Wild Weeds
Bird Turd Song

      Life is full of annoyances. Some are little and some are formidable. Bird turds follow this same pattern. Sometimes it's just a single turd on the windshield of your car. Other times it's a dozen or so on the surface of a picnic table. Beyond that they might actually begin to pile up beneath a favorite perch in front of an entrance to a home or office. In all cases they can be washed or scraped away, but this always involves time spent on this unpleasant task, which in many cases is more than just simply annoying. Obviously, we don't actually usually seek revenge against those (in this case the cute little birdies) responsible for leaving the mess, but it certainly is true that in extreme situations it is not difficult to imagine someone getting pushed over the edge to the point where such extreme measures might be taken. Ultimately the only way to eliminate bird turds is to eliminate the birds, but most of us are willing to put up with a few turds for the sake of the birds, although there may be those who are far less tolerant!


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Little bitty birdies sitting in a tree
Better not leave any turdies on me
If one drops a turd on my head
That little birdie will wind up dead

BB guns or cats for hire
Or maybe I'll string up an electrified wire
Shoot 'em out of the sky by remote control
I'll annihilate its avian soul

Listen you birds, I'm not messing around
Turd on me, you'll wind up dead on the ground
I'm normally a nice, peaceful kind of guy
But lay a turd on me and you're gonna die

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