VERSION ONE: A group of boys enters a controversial online comedy video contest only to discover that not everyone has a sense of humor.

VERSION TWO: What do ice bergs, cats, pornography, red flags, and BBQs have in common? Everything you need to know and more is in the book!

     A group of boys become involved in the fad of making cat torture videos. They see these videos as just a joke, but some people take the fad quite seriously. In fact, authorities charge a boy in a nearby town with animal abuse since his video so convincingly depicts abuse that authorities conclude that it is real and not merely simulated. Undeterred by this event, the boys enter a cat abuse video contest hosted by a popular video-sharing website, which requires that each contest video contain a disclaimer that states, "No cats were harmed in the production of this video, but we did BBQ a few afterwards!"

     Complicating matters, a teenager in town is accused of showing pornography to younger children. As a result authorities confiscate his computer and subsequently accuse him of various sex-related crimes. It becomes apparent that the legal authorities in this case are quite capable of leaping to fantastic conclusions based on little more than rumor and suggestive evidence. They claim that the teen's red-flag behavior is only the "tip of the iceberg" and that it is highly likely that he is grooming younger children to participate in activities even more disturbing than the crimes he is accused of.

     Despite the seriousness of animal abuse and sex crimes, this book takes a humorous look at the way contemporary society has come to view these two issues. Although the tendency of law enforcement authorities to convict the innocent of crimes never committed is a tragedy of incomprehensible proportions, the focus in this book is on the incompetent reasoning used to support the persecution of the falsely accused. The boys in the book are perplexed by the obvious mental deficiencies of those who are supposed to protect and serve!

(WARNING: Some content may be somewhat inappropriate for children under the age of fourteen.)

     While some people see humor in almost any event, others are predisposed to see an impending crisis in the same set of circumstances. Whether these tendencies are a result of genetic factors or caused by early childhood experiences is a matter for philosophers and psychologists to debate over, but one thing is for certain: Cats love sardines! Some people like cats and some people don't. Some people like sardines and some people find them disgusting. But regardless of the attitudes held by people regarding felines and fish, it is almost universally the case that cats love sardines. It is almost equally certain that this fondness is not reciprocated by the sardines, however.

     Despite the harsh sounding title, no cats are actually harmed in this book! Although several sardines are eaten in the book, no cats are beaten, barbequed, abused, or otherwise mutilated in any way. There is much more love than animosity expressed towards cats in this book. In fact, it is fair to say that this book takes a humorous look at what it means to be a cat in modern American society.

     Alarmists are apt to obsess over anyone committing the thought-crime of contemplating the abuse of a single precious kitty cat. Even such abuse when merely simulated is likely to raise their ire. Is it that cats are sacred to them, or is it that they just can't help themselves since they crave outrage and indignation?

     Cats love sardines! A group of boys discover this fact while attempting to film cats for videos they are making to be entered into a cat abuse contest. All cat abuse is simulated, of course, but this doesn't keep certain people from obsessing and denouncing the contest! The boys, however, ignore the animal rights extremists and create several videos that they enter into the contest.

     Despite the outrageous title, no cats are actually harmed in this book! In fact, a number of contemporary issues are dealt with including animal rights, pornography, sex crime, and extremism. This book humorously and irreverently contemplates these issues in a manner that is highly likely to offend those adhering to narrow orthodoxies.

     Alarmists are apt to obsess over anyone committing the thought-crime of contemplating the abuse of a single precious kitty cat. Even such abuse when merely simulated is likely to raise their ire. Some people have a great sense of humor and some just don't! Whether these differences can be attributed to genetic factors or are caused by early childhood experiences is a matter for philosophers and psychologists to debate over, but one thing is for certain: Cats love sardines!